Surviving Grief on Father’s Day: It’s Not Easy & That’s Okay

Let’s just go ahead and say the quiet part out loud: Father’s Day sucks when your dad is gone. It doesn’t matter if he passed last year or a decade ago—this “holiday” has a way of ripping the Band-Aid off your grief every damn time.

And the worst part? The world keeps spinning like nothing happened. Your inbox is filled with ads for golf polos and #1 Dad mugs. Social media is a parade of people posting about “the best dad ever.” Meanwhile, you’re just trying to keep it together long enough to make it through the day without weeping.

Yeah. I see you.

Personally, my dad passed away a few years ago, and—because the universe has a dark sense of humor—we laid his ashes to rest on Father’s Day. So yeah, I don’t need the commercials or the Pinterest-perfect tributes to remind me of what’s missing. The ache is built-in.

If you’re grieving Father’s Day without your dad, this post is for you. Not to fix you (because you’re not broken), but to sit beside you in the mess of it all.

Let’s talk about how to survive this day—whether you want to honor him, scream into a pillow, or just disappear under a weighted blanket with some chocolate. But, let’s also have the honest conversation about how grief affects you on a biological level. It’s not just about dealing with the grief; it’s about understanding that grief is far more nuanced than a simple word, and in that, requires a deeper approach than just “letting time heal”. We’ll figure out some ways to help regulate the nervous system (because, let’s be honest… “shambles” doesn’t even scratch the surface) and explore how and why these steps can help us survive Father’s Day while healing at the same time.

Let’s Talk About How Grief Affects Your Brain (Yes, Really)

First, a quick detour into the land of brain science—because your grief isn’t “all in your head,” but it is happening in there.

When we lose someone we deeply love, the brain responds the way it would to physical injury. The part of your brain associated with emotional pain (the anterior cingulate cortex) lights up just like it would if you’d broken a bone. That “heartache” you feel? It’s not just poetic—it’s biological.

And let’s not forget cortisol. Grief kicks your stress hormone into high gear. You might feel tired all the time. Or anxious. Maybe even foggy. Or even like your body is doing the emotional equivalent of screaming into the void. Again: totally normal.

So if Father’s Day is stirring all of that back up, please know you’re not broken. You’re grieving. And your nervous system is just trying to keep up.

Let Yourself Feel the Grief in Order to Heal

Okay, real talk: grief isn’t linear. It doesn’t follow a five-step process that ends in acceptance and sunshine. It’s more like falling into an emotional blender at random intervals. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re crying at a TV commercial because the dad gives his kid a high five.

Totally normal.

You Don’t Have to “Celebrate”

If the idea of doing anything “festive” on Father’s Day makes you want to scream, that’s valid. You’re not a bad person for skipping brunch, muting commercials, or turning off your phone. Protect your peace.

You can opt out of this day. Period.

Social Media? Maybe Not Today.

Honestly, scrolling through Facebook on Father’s Day is a form of self-harm. All those smiling dad selfies and #blessed captions can trigger a landslide of sadness. It’s okay to log off, mute stories, or take a full 24-hour break from the internet.

Call it digital self-care.

Crying in Public? Also Fine.

If you tear up in the grocery store aisle because you saw a six-pack of your dad’s favorite beer, so what? That’s called being human. Cry. Take a breath. Buy the beer if it helps. No shame here.

Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System Through Grief

Grief doesn’t just mess with your emotions—it dysregulates your nervous system. So let’s talk about some simple, science-backed ways to self-soothe:

1. Box Breathing: A 4-Second Fix for Your Overwhelmed Brain

You know that feeling when your heart’s racing, your chest is tight, and your thoughts are doing Olympic-level gymnastics? That’s your nervous system in full freakout mode—a.k.a., the fight-or-flight response. It’s your body’s ancient way of trying to protect you from danger… but unfortunately, it doesn’t know the difference between a bear chasing you and an emotional trigger like Father’s Day grief.

Enter: Box Breathing.

Also called “square breathing,” this technique is used by Navy SEALs, trauma therapists, and anxious humans everywhere because it’s simple, fast, and freakishly effective. Here’s how it works:

1. Inhale for 4 seconds
   (Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose. Fill your lungs, but don’t force it.)
2. Hold for 4 seconds
   (This pause signals safety to your brain. You’re not gasping for air—you’re in control.)
3. Exhale for 4 seconds
   (Breathe out gently through your mouth, like you’re blowing on hot soup. Let the tension go.)
4. Hold for 4 seconds
   (Another pause to reinforce calm. You’re telling your nervous system: “We got this.”)

Then? Repeat. For a minute or five. Until your shoulders drop from your ears and your brain stops sounding like static.

So… Why Does This Actually Work?

Let’s get nerdy for a sec:

• Box breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system—that’s the “rest and digest” mode that counteracts stress and anxiety.
• It slows down your heart rate and lowers blood pressure, which signals to your body that the “danger” (real or perceived) has passed.
• It also increases oxygen flow to the brain, which helps with clarity, focus, and making it through the day without snapping at anyone who dares to say “Happy Father’s Day” too cheerfully.

It’s literally a reset button for your body.

When to Use It

• Right after waking up, when the grief wave hits out of nowhere.
• Sitting in your car before going into a store or family event.
• During an emotional memory or panic spiral.
• Anytime you feel like you’re about to emotionally combust in public.

You don’t need candles, music, or a quiet room (though those help). Just your breath. It’s the one thing you can control when everything else feels like a mess.

Bottom line: Box breathing is like emotional first aid. It’s free, it’s fast, and it works. Try it now—just once—and notice how your body softens a little. Your nervous system deserves that peace.

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation: When Grief Makes You want to Crawl Out of Your Skin

Grief doesn’t just live in your mind—it takes up real estate in your body too. That jittery, restless, “why does my skin feel too tight” sensation? Totally normal. That’s your nervous system holding onto stress like it’s a full-time job. But thankfully, we can trick it into letting go—one muscle group at a time.

This technique is called Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR), and it’s like a tension-release massage… except you do it yourself and don’t have to talk to anyone.

How to Do It (No Yoga Mat Required)

1. Find a comfy spot—sitting or lying down. No pressure. No weird breathing. Just be still-ish.
2. Start at your feet:
   Curl your toes tight tight tight for 5 seconds. Then let go.
   (Notice the difference? That’s the sweet spot.)
3. Move up:
   Ankles → calves → thighs → butt → stomach → chest → hands → arms → shoulders → neck → jaw → forehead.
   For each one: tense for 5, release for 10. Breathe while you do it, but no fancy patterns required.
4. Optional soundtrack: Play calming music, white noise, or even your dad’s favorite song if it feels comforting. Or go full silence—whatever soothes your soul.

Why It Works (Science Says So)

When you’re grieving, your body often gets stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode. That means your muscles are constantly bracing for something bad, even if you’re just trying to make it through a grocery run.

Progressive muscle relaxation tells your body: “Hey, the threat has passed. You’re safe to let go now.”

• It releases pent-up tension—the kind you don’t even realize you’re holding.
• It helps switch on your parasympathetic nervous system (that “rest and recover” setting).
• It slows your breathing, drops your heart rate, and interrupts the anxiety feedback loop.

It’s not about forcing yourself to feel “better.” It’s about giving your body permission to relax, even if your heart is still hurting.

When to Use It

• When you feel like a raw nerve.
• Before bed (especially if grief-induced insomnia is kicking in).
• After scrolling through 14 back-to-back Father’s Day posts and needing a mental reset.
• Anytime you want to feel more grounded—in your body, in the moment, in yourself.

Pro tip: If tensing every muscle feels overwhelming, start small. Just do shoulders. Or fists. Or jaw. (Seriously, check your jaw. You’re probably clenching right now. We all are.)

This isn’t about “fixing” your grief. It’s about creating little pockets of calm in the chaos—one breath, one muscle group at a time.

3. Weighted Blankets: Like a Hug Without the Small Talk

If you’ve ever wanted to just crawl under a rock and stay there until Father’s Day is over… a weighted blanket might be the next best thing. These cozy, hefty blankets aren’t just TikTok-famous for aesthetic naps—they’re backed by real neuroscience and actually do something for your body and brain.

Why It Works (There’s Science in These Snuggles)

Weighted blankets provide what’s called Deep Pressure Stimulation (DPS)—a fancy term for gentle, firm pressure that wraps your nervous system in a metaphorical warm towel.

Here’s what happens when you snuggle under one:

• Cortisol (your stress hormone) drops like a mic.
• Serotonin (your “feel-good” hormone) increases, helping stabilize your mood.
• Melatonin production kicks in, which can help you fall asleep if grief-induced insomnia is crashing your Netflix queue.

Basically, your body stops feeling like it’s under siege and starts shifting into rest-and-repair mode, aka the parasympathetic nervous system.

And here’s the kicker: studies have shown that even 15 minutes under a weighted blanket can reduce anxiety, slow your heart rate, and promote a sense of calm. That’s like getting a deep-tissue massage from your blanket—without the awkward spa conversation.

When to Use It

• When you’re too emotionally fried to function.
• If you’re spiraling at night and your brain won’t shut up.
• During a grief wave when it feels like your skin is buzzing and your chest is tight.
• On Father’s Day itself, while watching old home videos, crying into a comfort show, or doing absolutely nothing at all.

A Few Quick Tips

• Pick the right weight: Most experts recommend about 10% of your body weight for the right level of pressure without feeling smothered.
• Go for breathable materials: Especially during summer—cotton, bamboo, or cooling options will keep you from roasting alive while healing your nervous system.
• Keep it close: Store it somewhere easy to grab. Think of it as emotional armor you don’t have to explain to anyone.

Grief is heavy. A weighted blanket won’t take it away—but it will help your body carry it a little more gently. So if you need permission to burrito yourself under one this Father’s Day? Granted. Completely. Zero guilt.

4. Grounding Techniques: When Your Mind Is Time Traveling Against Your Will

Grief has a funny way of hijacking your brain. One minute you’re watching TV, and the next you’re deep in a memory spiral, reliving the moment you said goodbye or imagining what you’d say if you had one more day. It’s disorienting, exhausting, and can make you feel completely untethered.

That’s where grounding techniques come in. These aren’t woo-woo. They’re legit psychological tools that help bring you back—to the present, to your body, and to right now.

How It Works (Your Senses Are Smarter Than You Think)

Grounding is a form of sensory mindfulness that helps calm your nervous system when you’re stuck in a loop of grief, anxiety, or dissociation. Instead of getting lost in painful memories or future worries, grounding redirects your focus to your immediate environment, using your five senses as anchors.

Try the classic 5-4-3-2-1 method:

• 5 things you can see (That plant. That coffee stain. The candle you forgot to blow out.)
• 4 things you can touch (The softness of your blanket. The coolness of your mug. Your own heartbeat.)
• 3 things you can hear (The hum of the fridge. Birds outside. Your own breath.)
• 2 things you can smell (Your lotion. A nearby cup of tea. A faint memory of your dad’s cologne, maybe?)
• 1 thing you can taste (A mint. A piece of chocolate. The lingering flavor of your lunch.)

This practice helps reroute your brain out of the fight-or-flight stress loop and into a rest-and-regulate zone, activating the parasympathetic nervous system (aka the part that helps you feel safe again).

Why It Helps When Grief Hits Hard

When we grieve, our thoughts can get loud. We replay moments. We beat ourselves up. We ask “what if” on a loop. Grounding interrupts that mental chaos with gentle, sensory facts. It’s not about ignoring the pain—it’s about pausing the emotional spiral long enough to catch your breath.

You’re not pushing grief away. You’re just reminding your nervous system, “Hey, we’re safe right now. You don’t have to fight ghosts.”

When to Use It

• During an emotional flashback
• While scrolling social media and feeling that grief-trigger punch to the gut
• In the car before you walk into a triggering place (like the store aisle with Father’s Day cards)
• In the middle of a grief wave that won’t quit
• Or just any time you feel like you’re floating too far from your center

Grief doesn’t come with a guidebook, but grounding is one of those gentle, science-backed tools that quietly says: You’re here. You’re okay. Let’s get through this one breath, one sense, one moment at a time.

Keep this one in your back pocket for Father’s Day and beyond. It’s small, powerful, and always available—no equipment required.

You don’t need a wellness retreat. You just need a few tools that speak gently to your brain when the sadness gets loud.

Reach Out If You Need Support

You don’t have to grieve alone. Text a friend. Call your therapist. Join an online grief group. Or use a free resource like:

• GriefShare.org – Local support groups for all kinds of loss
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 for 24/7 emotional support
• What’s Your Grief – Online articles, workshops, and relatable tools

Need additional tools and insight? Read this blog: Grieving on Father’s Day: How to Cope, Cry, & Still Breathe

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

Grieving Father’s Day without your dad is a cruel kind of milestone. You might feel like everyone else is celebrating while you’re stuck in slow motion. But here’s what I want you to know:

It’s okay not to be okay.

You don’t have to fake-smile or pretend this day means nothing. And you’re not weak for missing him this much. Love like that doesn’t just vanish.

Maybe you’ll light a candle. Maybe you’ll binge-watch Netflix and eat chips straight from the bag. Both are valid. What matters is that you take care of yourself in the way that feels most true—without guilt.

If your dad was anything like mine, he probably wouldn’t want you to be miserable. He’d want you to smile at one of his corny jokes, play his favorite song, or yell at the TV during a game in his honor. Or maybe just live your life with a little more courage, because he’s still cheering you on—even if you can’t hear it. So, however you’re spending this day, I hope you know: you’re not alone. Your grief is real. Your love is real. And that, my friend, is something worth holding onto.